So finally there came the call!! I am running 15th
week now and I finally heard from my husband!
Not a sigh of relief though. My stress creator! He called me
and as usual blamed me for every damn thing on earth. He even said “I don’t care if you are
pregnant. I care nothing for your emotions”. So what was he getting to? I was
just thinking why would he let me wallow and then raise to forget him and then
choose to come back and make me hate him more!?! Hence I started with my direct
Questions “have you found someone?” Ans “you are free to assume” I asked “do
you want to free from this relationship?” Answer (unexpected, coz I was still
hoping against fate) “Its over from my end” I again asked “do you want to take
legal steps?” Answer “you are using this to threaten me! Yes send me the papers”
beep beep beep…the call had ended along with the relationship!
I felt emotionally numb. There was nothing in me but fear! I
took off from wk and decided to spend the day with my mom n my baby. Things
went worse by evening. My emotions were dipping so bad that I felt I have no
more courage to hold myself up. Thoughts were spinning in my head “shud I see a
lawyer? Shud I just let this be? Shud I secure my baby first? How do I stop
myself from some harmful thoughts? I am not alone anymore! How do I calm
myself? What next? Shud I uproot from blore? What kind of a job shud I fetch to
care well for my baby?”
Well there were a lot more! I could just go on n on n on. That
night I just kept awake thru out! I felt slight pain in my stomach and feared
if the stress was getting too much for my Angel to handle. I felt so sorry for
my sweet lil baby!! I put my hands on my baby bump and started to pray. I asked
my Master to bless and heal my baby! I told my baby “Sweetheart this has
nothing to do with you. You are free and very very loved! You are safe! Mumma
loves you more than herself. Now just relax and see your future. I can see its
bright and full of fun and happiness and luxury! My sweet little Angel….dont
take my stress.” Surprisingly the pain began to reduce! I Looked into my master’s
pic and silently thanked him!
Now the super challenge is to stay calm and remain blissful.
I am not alone and I have no rights to thump such emotions on to my baby
anymore. So I am gonna sincerely restart
reading those spiritual books, eat well, sleep well, Salt water baths,
chantings and incenses always in the room and my meditations and blue triangles
are gonna be my high priority. Baby is gonna thank me for being a good mom J now that’s the
spirit!!! Wake up….shake it off!! Lets be something spl! HE is watching over
and will not let us both suffer! :)
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